范文解析
大作文Lucy老师实例分析贴
雅思写作往往是很多同学最头疼的一项，而且存在越头疼越不想写的现象，并不是不知道不动笔永远不会提高这个道理，但是就是不知道拿到题目之后该怎样下笔，总是苦恼题目该怎样去分析文章的结构该怎样去把握。于是今天小编又偷偷地开了外挂——请Lucy老师给大家用实例分析了同一个学生在上课初期和练笔了大概7-8篇后的段落，虽然还存在小问题，但是进步是明显的，下面跟小编一起来看看吧~
这是这位同学刚来上课没多久时候的作文：
题目：
Many secondary schools provide students with foreign language courses. However, parents and teachers think that children should learn a second language in primary school. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
Body部分第一段：
Learning foreign language gives pupils an opportunity to handle a useful skill. In general, people have better memory when they are younger. As a result, pupils are able to learn second language faster and easier. As foreign language can be used on their future work, children who have this knowledge will be more competitive when applying for a job.
这篇文章他当时主体分了三个段落，字数上这段稍微少了一些。已经比没有上课的时候结构有进步了。这里
1) Handle不太合适搭配skill
2) In General显得很多余
3) Pupil这个词连续用两次
4) Better memory比较抽象，我强调过不可以写不实在的东西。什么叫better? 怎么定义better?比如Children are able to pick up pronunciations and phrases faster than the elder people. As a result…
5) 最后一句话有些Chinglish，还不如直接说students who are able to master a second language will earn themselves competitive advantage (/will become competitive candidates) when seeking for jobs.
6) 这段大概是6分多一点6.5不到的水平
练习了一段时间之后：
题目：
Some people think cheap air travel brings us benefits while others believe that non-essential flight should be cut in order to reduce environment problems caused by cheap air travel. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Body部分第一段：
Low cost airlines enable people with average income to enjoy a faster trip. For example, residents in Melbourne can choose the fastest way to visit their friends who live in Sydney during the Easter without considering too much about the expense. Also, compared with travelling by cars or trains, time can be saved and friends can share longer holiday together. In this way, families, friends, or even lovers who are temporarily separated by districts are able to break the geographic restriction and regularly meet each other, forming a deeper relationship.
这个题目很多学生都写过，而且算一个不太好写的题目。这位学生安排的是两个主体段，然后把自己的观点和结论结合在一起的写法。评价如下
1) 字数上是合适的
2) 结构明显好了很多，是中心句（我上课讲过的A和E的Key words出现的情况）+ 举例拓展+ Result + End Result的结构
3) 用词上面注意了很多，单句当中包含了更多实在的细节描述
4) 连接词的使用恰当
5) 练习过后的这段基本达到了7分
当然这篇文章并没有达到完美的水准，还有一些小地方有问题，需要修改提升。整篇文章中他的第二个主体段在词汇和逻辑表述方面比第一段要更好一些，但这里因为文章长度关系我就不发上来了，有兴趣的同学可以给公众号留言找小编拿。
通过这两段写作的对比，我们不难发现想要写作方面有所提升，好的老师给予正确的方法指导和自己课后勤奋地练习这两点缺一不可！没有正确的引导，练了再多都是错的又有什么用？在正确的指导下练得越多，技巧的运用也会越熟练自如，那么想拿高分也就不难了。
今天的分析就这么多，小编最后还要提醒大家一句，小伙伴们平时在练习写作的时候，对所谓“范文”的质量的判断一定要准确，这也是备考期间需要慢慢锻炼的能力，可千万别把那些乱七八糟6分6.5分的作文拿着当作“满分范文“看哟~
